Chapter Seven - The Journey Can Finally Begin

There is a comforting silence as Sergio drives through the motorway. With neither of them saying much, they let the sounds of the car’s engine fill the silence. They have been on the road for an hour already and with a slight traffic jam going on, it seems like they’ll be there for more hours to come. Isabel finds this silence a blessing. Although she had slept restfully last night, there is still a sense of exhaustion in her. Moving into a more comfortable position, she looks up at Sergio who is busy concentrating on his driving more than anything else. He senses her looking at him and takes his eyes off the road for a second to glance at her. He gives her a half smile and turns his attention to the road. She can’t help but feel responsible for dragging Sergio into her own problems but to her, it was like she could somehow let him into small sections of her life. She feels annoyed at herself for not trusting Dina like that seeing as she was the first person Isabel described as a friend but for some reason, she didn’t want Dina to know her as Sergio does. Dina had given her a quick text last night, asking her if she was feeling any better. As cliché as it sounded, she replied back with the usual “I am fine” response. But she knew she wasn’t. Isabel lets a loud sigh out, crossing her legs again and plays with her necklace which she always touches when she was feeling the nerves. That necklace is the most precious item she would ever own. She couldn’t even start to explain its significance if one were to ask. The necklace is engraved with her daughter’s birthdate and a photo of her, in her red mini dress, beaming at the camera, hidden away in a locket, the shape of a small circle. Sergio notices Isabel distracted and tries to spark a conversation.

“Cute necklace,” he says, trying to sound as cheery as he could manage. Isabel immediately stops touching her necklace and lets her arms fall by her sides.

“Thanks,” she answers back.

“What’s in the locket?” he asks curiously.

“Nothing!” she snaps. “Uh, I mean, nothing is in it. Just a necklace.”

Sergio’s facial expression changes to confusion.

“Right.”

The situation returns back to Sergio driving in silence and Isabel looking on ahead, pretending to be alert but isn’t really. She knows she is few hours away from Rafael. A fiancé she hadn’t seen in 2 years. With the initial awkwardness aside, she had no clue what to expect. It was hard enough for her to know that the prospect of meeting him is near but finding out he may not be how she remembers him is frightening. Sergio interrupts the silence once again.

“So what did you say you are going to do today again?”

She felt she was blessed when Sergio was quick to help her and she was grateful he wasn’t one to ask many questions so she is surprised when he asks her about her plans again. For all she cared, he knows what he should know. But then, he is offering some time of his busy day to help her even if he is an entrepreneur who can appoint anyone to roles while he isn’t present. She hadn’t even thought of what Sergio would do once they arrive at her destination.

“Well, I told you didn’t I? I am meeting a friend who I haven’t seen in such a long time.”

“I know that. But how come you haven’t been in contact. What happened?”

That question hurt. She finds herself asking that every day and it is a question she was hungry to find its answer to. What had actually happened between them? She thought she was in a “safe” relationship and counted her blessings every day until it all changed. So she didn’t have an answer for Sergio. She is in the dark as much as he is. So until everything is clear to her, she will be asking the same question as him.

“I don’t know,” she replies, looking uncomfortable.

“What do you mean you don’t know,” he asks baffled.

“I mean I don’t know what happened. We were close then suddenly no contact. It confuses me too,” she answers hastily.

“So now you want to find out why there was no contact. Did you try phoning?”

“Trust me, that doesn’t work,” she sighs.

“Right,” he repeats for the second time that journey. “I think it’ll be another 30 minutes. That is if this traffic moves faster. Honestly don’t understand why there is traffic at this time.” He taps his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, pretending to concentrate on what is in front of him. Isabel doesn’t break her stare, looking at the side of his face where his eyes were before he turned to look away. She knows her story sounds crazy that minute and she wishes she could change how Sergio thinks of her. Something about his face tells her he finds the whole situation rather…weird. Weird it was. More like a story someone would write in books. A woman seeking her first love who went AWOL, all the while falling pregnant with his child and leaving the child miles away to find answers. How she wishes it was all a movie. Reality was that she was in this situation and how much it pained her to be away from Ayesha, she owned it to her baby and herself to find the truth. And if she had to get a helping hand from Sergio here, she would take it. It’s not like he needs to know everything. This is her business. What he knows now is enough.

“I know you think I am crazy,” she mumbles, still staring.

He doesn’t reply and for a second Isabel feels embarrassed at herself for even getting herself in this situation with Sergio.

“I don’t think that,” he replies, not responding to her stare. The traffic picks up a bit and he increases his speed. She decides she won’t reply to that. It is enough to believe he doesn’t think she is crazy and out of her mind.

“I understand you want to see this person again. Especially after not seeing for such a long time. It doesn’t make you crazy, just desperate.”

Desperate she was. Perfect word for this situation, she thought. She still doesn’t reply to him, instead looking down at her nails, examining them.

“What is his name?”

She jerks slightly by the sound of that question. Of course he’ll want to know. Hardest part was to make herself say those letters that made a name that once took her breath away.

“Uh, it’s Rafael,” she says, barely sounding audible.

“Okay.”

The rest of the journey returned to silence once again. A kind of silence that adjusted your breathing to a comfortable rate for anyone else but for Isabel, the prospect of being minutes away from him was becoming unbearable. She had to ask Sergio to lower the windows down for some breeze multiple times after he would shut it, complaining he was cold. There was chatter here and there with Sergio, not related to her latest quest, relaxing her and actually making her laugh.  It took another 20 minutes to reach the town in Essex that Rafael supposedly resides in. After that, it was a matter of finding the exact address. Passing through the residential areas, she deduces that it was a family area. She sees children running after each other, with water pistols and bicycles, their mothers sitting on the benches nearby, talking and laughing. The houses were decent, blatantly built for large-sized families (well maybe for those who liked their space), gardens beautifully kept, front doors personalised. There was a sense of pride and integration in this area. It felt like everyone knew each other. Isabel watches the streets cautiously as the car drives by. She imagines whether Rafael lives near here, with his little family. Or maybe still with his parents. She also imagines how he looks right now. Does he look ill? Does he look like she remembers him? Questions were whizzing through her mind, making her close to feeling ill.

“Do you think we are close?” she asks.

“I think we are near,” he responds, glancing at his sat nav. “It says here three minutes away so yes close enough.”

She felt slightly nervous to her stomach that she had to place her hand over it. Just three minutes left. She tilts her head back and tries to adjust her breathing. Sergio notices this and chuckles.

“Nerves getting the better of you?”

“Just trying to relax. My body hurts from sitting for hours.”

“Well we are nearly there, don’t worry.”

After around three minutes, as Sergio promised, they pull up in front of a medium sized house with light brown walls and glossy white door. Sergio switches the engine off and leans back.

“I guess we are here,” he says.

She slowly unbuckles herself and looks at Sergio. He looks back, a soft smile forms at one corner of his mouth and tucks a strand of his long hair behind his ear.

“Go,” he whispers.

“I…I can’t,” she whispers back, her voice exposing fear and nervousness.

“Come on, we didn’t come all the way here so that you can just return home without saying hello to this Rafael,” he assures her, patting her on the back.

The sound of his name made the little hairs on her back stand up and she suddenly feels cold. She switches position and feels the necklace on her neck move. She remembers what’s in there and it suddenly hits her that she has the perfect chance. She is at a point in her life right now that she has dreamt of many times and to not take it would be foolish. She thinks of Ayesha and how she deserves to know who her father is and why he wasn’t there with them. It is as if this gave her the last push she needs.

“You’re right. I think you should park your car somewhere else,” she suggests.

“Why?” he asks confused.

“I don’t want people to see I came with someone else. Especially a man. Someone might misinterpret this.”

“Alright, I’ll be over there.” He points to where he will bring his car and Isabel opens her door and steps out. The beautiful mild breeze hits her, calming her nerves a little. She hears Sergio start the car again and driving off to where he promised he would be, close enough to observe what is going on but far enough for anyone not to suspect they came together.

She takes a deep, reassuring breath and walks over to the white door whilst passing through a perfectly formed lawn. As she reaches the door, she looks back at Sergio quickly who is watching her and gives her a little nod to encourage her to proceed. She looks back at the door and raises her hand to knock.

There was no answer and for a second she’s afraid they might have the wrong house or the wrong address. She automatically lifts her hand to knock again.

There was still no answer. She looks back at Sergio who looks just as confused as her but he tells her from his face expression to continue to knock. She takes another breathe, a much deeper one and knocks again.

Suddenly the door flies open and before her stands a woman in her early 20s with short brown hair in a ponytail and piercing dark brown eyes. She is dressed in a pink cardigan and blue jeans. She smiles at Isabel. A smile that was both welcoming but confused at the same time.

“Hi,” the woman says.

Isabel stands there and cannot bring her to reply to this simple word. Blood drains from her face and her breathing increases. She is afraid what she had nightmares about are about to come true. She really wants to just run to Sergio and beg him to take her back home but she forces herself to smile and answer her.

“Hi,” she replies back.

The woman at the door looks at Isabel, as if she is waiting for her to continue. Isabel realises this.

“Uhm, I am here actually for a Rafael. I am not sure if this is his address but I am a friend of his and I am really hoping he lives here. I made the trip here and it took me hours but when I found out he may live here, I just had to come by” She speeds her way through the sentence, catching her breath at the end. She is aware she sounds a little mad but she is glad that the first bit of her story was over.

“Oh, really? That is nice. Well you are in luck because this is where Rafael lives. You are talking about Rafael Gomez right?” the woman asks.

“Yes, yes, Rafael Gomez,” Isabel exclaims. She can’t believe she is finally here.

“Well he is not here at the moment and he won’t be back for another hour or so but do you want to come in and wait but then I suppose an hour’s wait is quite long, right?” the woman says, as she opens her door widely.

“Oh, no it’s okay. I can come back,” Isabel assures her.

“No problem then, I am Nina Gomez by the way.” She holds up her hand, expecting Isabel to shake it. The woman’s name set Isabel aback, welcoming the nerves back into her body. How could she not have guessed that he would have married by now? She feels herself tear up but forces herself to keep it in. She shakes the hand of Nina and tries to give her one of her happiest smiles.

“Who shall I say dropped by to Rafael when he comes back?” Nina asks.

“Tell him Marwa came,” she replies simply, trying her best not to show any emotions in her voice.

Nina’s face changes as Isabel finishes the last of her sentence. She scrunches her face and looks deeply into her eyes, her face turning red Isabel is shocked at the sudden change in Nina’s face expression and tries to remember what she said last that could have had this effect on her. Nothing… except her name.

“Are you the Marwa?” Nina asks quietly.

“Uhm, what do you mean –”

“You are, aren’t you?” Nina interrupts her, this time raising her voice slightly.

“Yes, I guess.” She is getting more and more confused with Nina as the seconds go by.

“You guess? You are! Marwa from Dubai! I can’t believe you are standing right in front of me. Don’t come back here. DO YOU UNDERSTAND! You are not wanted.” Nina steps closer to Isabel. “He won’t know you came by. To him, you don’t exist anymore.” With that she slams the door on a very puzzled Isabel.